What’s most important is that your amends come from a place of genuine remorse and a sincere commitment to personal growth and healing. While making amends is a transformative and healing process, it’s not without its challenges. Some people may not be willing to forgive or rebuild relationships, and individuals in recovery must living amends be prepared for this possibility.
What is making amends in addiction recovery?
This can be difficult to grasp; your sponsor or spiritual advisor can help. The purpose of Step Nine is to acknowledge the harm caused during active addiction and to make it right with the people involved, as much as possible. Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends.
Careers – Join Our Team
Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments. David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning. In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother.
Support for Me and My Family
- Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them.
- When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward.
- Maybe they are guarding their heart because they are afraid we might relapse or say something hurtful.
- Sometimes, the person being approached for amends may need more time to be willing or ready to engage.
- To learn how your gift supports our scholarship, click below.
- Teasing out the difference between guilt and regret can be tough.
Living amends can take a lot of time but can be some of the most rewarding. Additionally, making amends reinforces an individual’s commitment to sobriety and personal growth. Sometimes, making direct amends with someone may lead to further harm. For example, if you are estranged from a loved one and they will not see you, your indirect amends may involve reflecting on and modifying the behaviors that led to the estrangement. For example, if you neglected or mistreated your children while you were using alcohol, a simple apology may not repair the damage.
Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends. Practice accepting other’s responses to your efforts and remember that you have done all you can. Sometimes other people need more time to accept an apology.
What are some examples of living amends?
- Below, experts at Hazelden Betty Ford’s Connection™ recovery coaching program answer frequently asked questions about this reconciliation process and why it’s so vital to addiction recovery and spiritual health.
- Making direct amends means actively confronting your behavior with the person who you harmed.
- For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word.
- It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship.
The benefits of making amends are vast and far-reaching. It encompasses emotional healing, the rebuilding of relationships, enhanced self-esteem, personal growth, and the invaluable sense of closure. Through this process, you not only mend the connections that may have been strained by your addiction but also forge stronger bonds founded on honesty, integrity, and accountability.
Its location at the mouth of the Hudson River, which feeds into a naturally sheltered harbor and then into the Atlantic Ocean, has helped the city grow in significance as a trading port. Most of the city is built on the three islands of Long Island, Manhattan, and Staten Island. AccuWeather Forecasting Senior Director Dan DePodwin and AccuWeather Climate Expert Brett Anderson discuss top headlines related to climate change in the Nov. 29 edition of Climate In The News.
The reason I give this disclaimer is making amends is a personal thing. Since we do not likely know one another, I cannot tailor your amends for the people you need to reach out to. Take your time as you go through the 12 steps of recovery, and God will reveal what you need to do.